He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
