tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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