I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
