Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
