Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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