i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
