I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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