This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Randomize
