Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
