Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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