my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
