Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
