you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
