how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
