When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
