We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
