If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
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