He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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