you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
