Whod you bang
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
