Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
