I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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