69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
