he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
