i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
