This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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