She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
