I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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