All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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