drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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