i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
