'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
