Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
