I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
