1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I wish I only lived at night.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
