At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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