We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
