Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you will always have a special place in my vag
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
