I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
