I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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