She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
