You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize