how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
The ass gains better be worth it
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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