WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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