I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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