is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
