i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
