He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
