I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Randomize
