I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just want to make out with him forever
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
