1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
