Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
