this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
