I think i sorta joined a cult last night
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
