I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize