Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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