i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
