he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
