When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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