Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
