Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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