; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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