Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
