I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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