I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize