he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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