If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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