I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
