I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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