Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize