I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
