Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
