Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
