Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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