the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Send help, water and tortillas.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
