You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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