i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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