Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
