Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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