I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
