i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
