Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
the condom got lost in my hair
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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