Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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