I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
