He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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