I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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