Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize