I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
