why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
