im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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