We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I am one with the molecules
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
