Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
