Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
