I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
