so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize