she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize