I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
