is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
