The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
