I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
