i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
