I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
