Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
