i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
