It's like a parade of train wrecks.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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