sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
