Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
