Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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