Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Randomize
