Need sex. Gaining weight.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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