nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
